Confessions of a Stay At Home Mom...brace yourself

I first started this blog post a few months ago and stopped..."What if it sounds too catty?" "What if people read this and never want to talk to me again!?" "People at church (acquaintances) are going to think I'm INSANE!" Those are just a few of the thoughts that prevented me from writing. However I'm two months older and wiser? (HA) and mostly I just really feel like if I don't get this post out there I'm going to explode! So here goes nothing... a weird list of my confessions as a Stay at Home Mama. 

1. This one is really from when Michael was younger buuuut: Just because you pass your child around like the flu doesn't mean I do. If I allow you to hold my child, (yes, I am saying this like it's a privilege because, well, it is; holding someone's child is NOT your right.) do not pass him onto someone else. This is a HUGE thing at church or at workplaces. People assume that you can pass someone else's child off. I was raised to ask first and I kind of expect(ed) the same courtesy. 

2. When my friends ask if I'm going to get fake nails I politely lie saying that I don't really like them. HERE'S THE TRUTH: poop does not come out from under them nails.It just doesn't. It doesn't matter how hard you scrub, what tools you use.IT.WON'T.COME.OUT. And that, my friends, is disgusting...and definitely not sanitary. So for now I will paint my ever chipping nails once a week or pay for some shellac. 

3. There are days when I seriously contemplate putting Michael out on the front porch with a sign that says, "For Free". Or maybe "Two for one. Screaming toddler and barking dog!" *Facepalm*

4. Scenario: I'm walking around the store with an inconsolable screaming toddler in my basket. Should you A.) Ignore me. B.)Look at me smiling with that "We've all been there, sista" look. C.) Walk up to me, blocking my basket and say to my toddler who you do NOT know "Oh Honey, what's wrong? Is mommy being mean to you?" HINT: If you pick A I won't notice you. If you pick B I will be ever grateful to you. If you pick C. I will very begrudgingly suppress the urge to punch you in the throat. I can't promise success. 

5. On the same note- if my child is screaming and you reach out trying to comfort him he will scream harder. He does not know you. He is in stranger anxiety overload right now...please save you and me the embarrassment and just...leave him alone. 

6. Some days I feel useless to the max! I went from working at a job where I as helping (or at least felt like I was helping) people day in and day out. I worked with professionals-some who are the best there is in the city, region, state, southwest! Now...I stay at home with my, sometimes a monster, child. I know, I know, it's a divine calling. I get that...I just don't always feeeeeel that way.

7. I am somehow more exhausted now than I ever was working 60+ hours a week. I used to go to bed around 11 or 12 because I had been working and get up at 5:30. Now I go to bed around 11 or 12 because I'm catching up on all the Netflix I was daydreaming about all day amidst the diapers and the time outs (Police Women of Dallas, y'all) and drag myself out of bed when Michael wakes up between 7 and 8. PUH-THETIC. This is something that I plan on working on but still....

8. I get so tired of hearing, "MICHAEL!!!" I think to myself, "Dang, if someone was yelling my name all day I'd probably do the exact opposite of what they were telling me, too." Yeah by the time that short thought has flown through my mind Michael has shoved another handful of dog food into his mouth, dived into the toilet (again), cornered Grammy's dog in the corner with a broom, emptied a brand new bottle of diaper powder all over his room, splashing in the dog water, or fallen off of something that looks impossible to climb. He may have, in that short time, done one or more of the aforementioned things... this is my day on loop.

9. Sometimes, I kind of just want a part time job. No, we don't need the money though it couldn't hurt any...I just need some adult time. I miss talking to people all day. I'm most definitely a social butterfly and it isn't easy for me being a stay at home mom. I go to play groups with other women at church but those are every other week or so because honestly play groups are reeeeally hard. Michael screams because of his stranger anxiety and then even after he's finally done screaming he won't leave my side. The play group is really more for me because I'm the one enjoying myself while Michael cowers behind me. Play dates, like one on one, are easier but even then...there's the dreaded and embarrassing blood curdling screams that will inevitably come from my child. 

10. Please, please, please be patient with me as a mom. This one sounds super whiny and pathetic-I get it. But seriously, as moms women we tend to judge, judge, and then judge some more. I read a blog recently about a woman who was running through the grocery store while her son screamed. She said she saw another woman literally look down her nose at her and scoff-she wasn't bothered by it and God love her because I probably would have broken down into tears. There have been times at the store or at a restaurant where people give me the most horrible looks for Michael acting like...a toddler. I have broken down and cried once and I promised that I would never ever make another mommy cry for her child acting like a child. Now when I see kids having meltdowns about candy or toys or the sky being blue I smile at her and sometimes offer a "That was mine just a few hours ago." I can honestly say I have never had a negative reaction from someone that I offer a smile to. 

So there was my weird list of confessions/rants. I'm sure as Michael gets older I will find more. And sorry if you hate me now because you know my mommy secrets. :)