Back to Work

Yesterday I went back to work...it was awful. Okay work wasn't awful per se, leaving Michael was. Yes, I left him in the care of my mother which is very comforting but it was still hard. He was knocked OUT when I left which made it even harder for me because I felt ridiculous fighting back tears. I had been at home with him for a short 3 weeks. 2 weeks I spent with him in the NICU and 1 week I spent with him in Lubbock visiting his Grandma and Grandpa Reed so I don't really count that week either because he is reeeally loved by his grandparents, which is just fine. :) 

I spent most of the day catching up on work, reading new laws pertaining to my work and new things that they had implemented since I had been gone, reading through almost 300 emails, and catching up on cases I was close to before I was put on bed rest on October 8. I actually really appreciated all the work that was bogging me down because it kept my mind off of missing my Baby Bear. I found myself wondering if he missed me several times during the day and had to fight back tears thinking, "What if he's screaming because he misses me...worse yet. What if he doesn't miss me at all." 

Russell knew how upset I was and brought lunch and Michael to my work to see me for my lunch hour. I don't think I have ever eaten so quickly in my life. As soon as I was done I washed my hands and held Michael for the rest of the time they were there. 

I was especially happy that they came for lunch later that evening when I ended up having to work until 10:00 p.m. for an emergency removal. I came home to both Michael and Russell sound asleep cuddling in the bed. I picked Michael up and held him for a bit before putting him in his bassinet, then I cried. I cried because of all of the things I'm afraid of missing. I don't want to miss his first crawl, step, words, solid foods, etc...I know the sacrifice I'm making to work is necessary and will be well worth it after Russell graduates and I can stay home, but it's hard to look that far into the future when all I want is to be with Michael now. 

For the time being though, he will stay with my mother. I can't wait until the day I'm able to stay at home with my Baby Bear full time, until then I will do my best to help other children who need a stable mother figure. I love my job, as sad as it can be, I'm so grateful that I have an opportunity to help people if they so choose to accept it. :)