I started my new job last week and I definitely had to hit the ground running and let me say, it’s been an exhausting adventure! In addition to my trying to get to know the 72-76 residents we have (it changes daily) I’m trying to remember the names of co-workers, and how to just do things. It’s not an easy job by any means….well I shouldn’t say that, it’s easy physically and mentally but emotionally? No. This job has taken a real toll on the old tear factory. I see these men and women in these states of mind where they will be in the middle of a sentence speaking to me and just stop, then their brows furrow and their eyes squint, then their mouths frown downward and their faces are blank. They don’t know who they are, they don’t know where they are and they’re scared. They’re scared because the last thing they can remember is a childhood memory or a time before they were in the Nursing Center and they are terrified of learning about why they’re living with us. There’s one lady who I’ve become particularly close to.
Her name is Mrs. Joanne Fox and she has Alzheimer’s disease. The first time I met her she wanted to show me the picture above her bed, I complied. We walked into her room and there above her bed was a 10x13 portrait of the Salt Lake City Temple. All she did was smile at it, “I don’t know where that place is but I know I love it.” She said. I knew then that I was going to love Mrs. Fox. I told her that it was the Temple in SLC, and as soon as I said that she literally began to glow, her eyes lit up and her eyebrows got high and she was grinning bigger than I’ve ever seen since. She said, “I REMEMBER!!! It was so beautiful inside! We were all in white, and the feeling….” Then she drifted off in thought and just smiled and stared at the picture. I told her I would bring her a picture of the Lubbock Temple where I was married. She was ecstatic 1)to learn that there was a Temple here in Lubbock and 2) that I was going to bring her a picture!
The next day I brought Mrs. Fox a 4x6 picture of the Temple, I wrote on the back of it “This is the Lubbock, Texas Temple.” So that she wouldn’t forget what it was. I gave it to her and she started crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said, “I don’t know what this is but I feel so wonderful looking at it. I can feel it…in my heart.” She motioned to her heart. I told her what it was I told her why she was having such a wonderful feeling; she looked into my eyes, she stared for a long time. “I know this place.” She said. I couldn’t stop myself from bawling like a baby, the Spirit was so strong.
Today she came to me her eyes filled with tears, but she was confused, she wasn’t crying because she was happy this time. “Something’s not right.” She kept repeating over and over and over again. I asked her if she knew where she was or who she was and she replied that she didn’t and began to cry. I told her that her name is Joanne Fox and that she is at Lakeridge Nursing & Rehabilitation Center because she has Alzheimer’s and that we’re here to take care of her and help her. She kept crying. I finally asked her if she’d like me to say a prayer with her, she nodded. I took her hands and she squeezed mine tightly. I began my prayer and immediately I could feel that she was relieved but I was now uneasy.
I struggled the rest of today with the fact that someone so beautiful and innocent has something so damaging. I couldn’t comprehend where the mercy was in having poor Mrs. Fox have Alzheimer’s disease; she’s sick….she’s sick and she’ll never be able to get rid of it. She can’t take an antibiotic and be better like many of the other patients. She’s stuck in a body that won’t work. As soon as the thought of her body not working crossed my mind the Atonement hit me. Although it is painstaking to watch Mrs. Fox and all of the other residents battle their trials, winning some days but losing most of them I must try to remember that God has provided a way for them to have perfect bodies and be perfectly happy. I cried with Mrs. Fox this morning because we were sad, I cried later when I realized how foolish and faithless I had been….I cry now as I write this and I remember how precious this life is.
Something that I tell myself is that no matter how difficult some patients may be and no matter how hard some days are I have to remember their worth and their value. They’re more than the medicine they have to take or the names on the doors, they are sons and daughters of God who Christ himself has suffered for. He’s already felt the pain and afflictions that they are going through. I try to remember to treat the residents the way I would treat Pa, my maternal grandfather, it makes it so much easier. I love this life and everything that I’ve been given though it is difficult at times I know it will be worth it, maybe tomorrow, maybe in 70 years…who knows.
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